Survey: Parents Struggle Talking with Teens About Serious Matters
by Mary Rettig
December 14, 2006
(AgapePress) - - The White House Office of National Drug Control Policy says parents need to sharpen their conversation skills when it comes to talking to their teens about drugs and other tough subjects. A new survey from VitalSmarts, an organization that trains executives in communication skills, says a majority of parents confess they have a difficult time getting their teens involved in meaningful discussions about their concerns -- such as who their friends are, their attire, and how school is going. The survey also found that more than half of parents believed their teens attended parties where drugs and alcohol were available -- but few parents did anything about it.
John Walters, director of National Drug Control Policy, says the poll reinforces a "disconcerting trend" among parents. "Too many parents are avoiding tough conversations -- or tough stances," he says in a Medical News Today article. Why? According to Walters, it is because parents are afraid of hurting their relationship with their teens.
To that Walters advises: "Parents must follow through on their responsibilities and set clear rules against drug use." Toward that end, says the VitalSmarts survey, a good number of parents (52 percent) often resort to tactics that make it easier to monitor teens' activities -- such as keeping the refrigerator well stocked so their children and their children's friends are more likely to stay at home, under parental supervision. But the same survey indicates that few parents check up on their teen (7%), question them about drugs (21%), or search through their teen's belongings (29%) -- even though research indicates that teens four times more likely to use drugs if they are not regularly monitored by parents.
Joseph Grenny, co-founder of VitalSmarts, says talking to teens about drugs and other risky behaviors is one of the most important conversations parents can have. He says success in those conversations can be had with just a few learnable skills. Those skills, he says, include making it safe for the teen to talk; using facts, not judgments, when confronting; agreeing on boundaries and staying within them; doing everything possible to make sure it is a two-way conversation.
Grenny says many parents feel like they have to choose between peace and parenting, but that is not the case. He believes that if parents learn these communication skills, it can make the difference between success and failure in crucial conversations with their teens.
Mary Rettig, a regular contributor to AgapePress, is a reporter for American Family Radio News, which can be heard online.
