Lots of help needed for children who grieve
by Lavinia Ngatoko in Challenge Weekly, New Zealand
April 12, 2007
AUCKLAND, NZ (ANS) -- A grief and loss peer support programme for children who are suffering from events such as the death of a parent or separation and divorce needs more people to help run it.The 10-week programme began in the Catholic Church in Melbourne, Australia, and was later picked up in Tauranga by the Waipu Anglican diocese.
It later spread to the Auckland region and has now been in New Zealand for 10 years, helping thousands of children to work through the grief process.
Auckland co-ordinator Penny Steel said that although there was a demand for the programme, the ministry was finding it difficult to find "companions" to run the programmes for the children.
Ms Steel said people who had a rapport with kids and who would not be afraid to tackle, for instance, the subject of death with them would be ideal for the job.
There was a real need to help the many children who were often neglected or forgotten when someone died in the family, or if their parents divorced.
"Quite often kids are the neglected party in a divorce. I think the general perception is that kids will adapt - they're young and resilient. They might adapt, but with huge scars," said Ms Steel.
"They're expected to love the person their parent ends up with after divorce, or sometimes children are not even allowed to go to a funeral, allegedly to shield them."
Ms Steel, in her final year of study for a diploma in counselling, got involved in the programme as a companion because she needed some practical hours to graduate.
"When I did the course I was just blown away," she said. "It was like a sponge to the kids. They just realise they are not alone, that it is all right to feel angry and to talk about what they feel in a safe, caring and confidential environment. You just see everything rolling off their shoulders."
She said the programme dealt with feelings and memories in a straightforward way, and as normally as possible.
The children feel they are not alone because they get a lot of support from their peers who may also be doing the programme.
Ms Steel goes in to a number of schools which identify children they feel would benefit from the course.
She said companions had to be vetted by the police and trained over a two-day weekend at no charge. Nigel Rouse said he highly recommended the programme because it really helped his children, Troy, aged 12, and Faith, 10, after the sudden and unexpected death of their mother, aged just 40, in May last year.
"People who have suffered from traumatic experiences such as death or divorce need to get on board, because if they don't help their children to work through the grief, they will keep it in and later in life it could explode," said the 37-year-old dad.
"My son and daughter are so much more settled and independent now. I'm still going through the grief, because it has only been 11 months since it happened, but they help me a lot."
Mr Rouse said he and his family also get a lot of support from their church, Breakout Christian Centre in Te Atatu South, West Auckland.
© 2007 ASSIST News Service, used with permission.
